First kiss

It's taken me ages, but I finally feel complete when I'm on my own. I have emotional support, attention, fun, respect, laughter, hugs, good sex.

However, there are other things I can't have on my own.
Help sometimes when I feel like shit.
A nudge when I'm being stubborn.
Homemade food when I'm exhausted.
Interesting stories I haven't heard yet.
Whispers in my ear.
A ridiculously romantic first kiss.

So if you are not planning to give me any of those things, what reason do I have to invest time in you when I could be investing it in myself?

Muy hasta la polla

De los vecinos, del curro, de la gente, de los tíos, del móvil, de la gripe, de las noticias, de todo.

Fast junk

fast food = junk food
fast (food) = junk (food)
fast = junk

This is not what I ordered

I thought he was a carrot, but he turned out to be just a dick.